"It’s not fair, because you didn’t warn me that your friend is the most beautiful person in the world and now I want to be his boyfriend" ~ my friend, upon meeting my (ex)coworker
Ugh, I am really awful at being nice to people I like. That seems so weird, but I think I’m not the only one that does this. Anyway my (now ex) coworker is really the most adorable and lovely and empathetic person ever, and it was recently pointed out to me that he’s also incredibly physically attractive. I feel super weird, because my (ex)coworker and I seem very similar in just enough ways where we’re both terribly shy and bad at being friends with people, but I think we both want to be friends?
I mean, I’m leaving in two weeks, so we’ll probably rarely (if ever) speak again, and that upsets me a large amount, but I don’t know what to do. And I sorta want to like, write a letter (because being nice face-to-face is terrifying) saying like “you’re supes cool; if we don’t stay friends i understand, but i hope you’ll do the coolest things with your life, and if you need anything, lmk” but that seems weird, and also it’s hard to express an undying platonic love for someone (esp. of the opposite sex) without people misconstruing it. Not that he’s not adorbs in every way, just that… I’ve been wrong in the past about thinking I was romantically interested in someone when I’m not. Anyway, if somehow, some way, I find a way to support him in some way, I hope that happens. My reaction to understanding who he is makes me want to take him and shield him from the whole world with some sort of giant protective wings. I feel like he’s really too sweet for the world to deserve, and I hope no one ruins that, sine he’s just a tiny baby (21) right now.
Why does everyone always want to tell me that I’ll change my mind. I spent the first half of my life (slightly more) of people saying “oh, sure, you like horses now, but wait until you find out about boys…” or “… but wait until you find the right boy…” or “wait until you grow up” or whatever. Now, it’s more “sure, you say you don’t want marriage or kids now, but just you wait…” and I guess if I wait until I “get older” or I “meet the right person” or my “biological clock starts ticking” or any number of other reasons.
I know it’s weird to admit it, but when I say I know it, I know it about myself. I have thought it over, and I have a much, much, MUCH more thorough understanding of what I want out of my life than you do.
I’m also incredibly sick of people telling me I’ll understand marriage when I finally fall in love. I’ve experienced love before. I have. More than once. And I’ve witnessed a whole pile of marriages fall apart. Because they’re not synonyms. A marriage is a legal contract that I’m not sure how I feel about, but it seems weird to me that people legitimately believe that a legal contract is equivalent to love. (This isn’t to say I’m not happy when really cool people get married, regardless of their genders, as long as it’s what they want for their lives.) I think mostly people think I’m afraid of commitment, or think that I don’t know what it is. But the only times I’ve ever felt comfortable committing to things, I waited, I thought it over a lot, I did research, and I only say definitive things when I mean them. Stop taking all of that away from me and telling me I’m going to change.
- Customer: I love your hair! I could never pull it off, but it looks fantastic on you!
- Me: Aww, thanks! And I do think that actually anyone can pull it off, the only difference is I tried. I mean, I imagine my next hair color/style and think "oh, that'll look ridiculous!" and then every day someone says "Oh, I could never pull it off, but you do!".
- Customer: Well, you're so much younger than me. Someone of my age couldn't pull it off.
- Me [leaning in]: I have a secret: neon hair colors shave YEARS off of how old you seem. People think you're younger just because you have the guts to pull of off something so silly.
- Customer: Oh, it couldn't change THAT much.
- Me: Yeah? Guess how old I am, and be brutal.
- Customer: Well... uh... you're probably 22?
- Me [wide grin]: Aww, how sweet. You see? That's why I still get carded every time I go to a bar. No one expects a 29 year old to have pink and blue hair! Never do something you don't feel good about doing, but I promise you, if you want neon hair, you absolutely CAN pull it off.
- Me: Aaaand... yeah, so epilepsy is why I'm 28 and getting ready to go back to college.
- New Coworker: You have epilepsy? Woah! So does my boyfriend!!
- Me: REALLY THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME!!!
- Me: Oh, shit.... that was not the correct way to respond. I mean, that's super not awesome. I obviously didn't mean that epilepsy is awesome; I have lots of experiences where actually it's pretty fucking awful, and that's what I should've said.
- New Coworker: Nah, I understood what you meant, don't worry.
- Customer/Previous Coworker: What? You work here too?!
- Me: Heck yeah I do, I work everywhere.
- C/PC: You do! Will I ever walk into a store where you don't or haven't worked?
- Me: Not on [walking mall] you won't! Hell, with this job, I've accomplished working on every block of the street!
- C/PC: Nice! Me too! Not that many of us, are there?
- Me: You know, you act like it's super weird to see me working in a store within a few blocks of where you saw me last, but I swear to god, my boyfriend went on a trip to FUCKING ASIA, and met a man who was like "Oh, [city]? Do you know [C/PC]?" And he DID! That's at least a million times less likely dude!
- C/PC: Oh yeah! I forgot about that. That's crazy. I should go back and visit Asia again. I guess that's kinda less likely to happen.
Coworker: Oh my god, the combined perkiness of these new girls is making me crazy. Can’t we hire normal people?
This is the blackest material on earth. It absorbs 99.9% of light. It’s made by NASA and made from carbon nanotubes.
finally a material to make perfect black pants.
I like how, arranged on tinfoil like that, it looks like a cataclysmically burnt toaster oven pizza.
Holy goth, Batman.
I’ve been waiting to see this on Tumblr because it’s OVERWHELMINGLY AWESOME. Also I have a thing for nanotubes and Bucky balls.